“One reason people resist change is because they focus on what they have to give up, instead of what they have to gain”
When marriages end, two people that were once one, go their separate ways and continue with their lives. When marriages end that involve children, it is nearly impossible for the exes to have zero communication. Afterall, they created life together and that fact does not dissipate because the marriage is over.
“Remain calm in every situation because peace equals power.” – Joyce Meyer
In divorce, it is often our children struggle the most. Their lives are disrupted, they go from home to home, and likely have completely different sets of rules and expectations at each house.
Adults that are going through a divorce will also have their own set of trials. However, unlike children, adults have a better-established set of coping mechanisms that children have not yet developed.
“You are terrifying and strange and beautiful, something not everyone knows how to love.”
Being a woman who has been deemed by others as “difficult” to love may hold a weight that not many will understand.
You may have been labeled as the “crazy chic” or the “Ice Princess”, and perhaps you have even started to believe these titles and accepted them to determine who you are.
“Yes, she is just a mother. Which is sort of like looking at the sky and saying, hey it’s just the sun.”
The job of a mother is at times unrewarding, unrealistic, and unimaginable. Everyday dawns with a new set of challenges, that many of us are not equipped with the tools to handle. This job comes with no manual, no requirement of prior experience, and absolutely no sense of direction.
“It takes someone really brave to be a mother, someone strong to raise a child, and someone special to love someone more than she loves herself.”
It has been said many times before that divorce is like a death, both need to be grieved. One of the major differences in the two, is in death, people expect and almost force you to grieve. However, with divorce, people often do not understand the grieving process. The truth is, there is no right or wrong way, and there is no time limit on how long you must wait before you move on after divorce. We all handle things differently, and mourning a divorce is no different.
You can tell who the strong women are. They are the ones you see building one another up instead of tearing each other down.”
Criticizing or judging mothers for their parenting styles simply because they do not make the same choices as you do, is wrong. Mom shaming – admittedly, it has happened to just about every one of us!
“A fresh start isn’t a new place, it’s a new mind set.”
How much things can change in a year, should be the eighth wonder of the world. In a timespan of a single year, our lives have the opportunity to change so drastically. This is a testament to how short life truly is, how fast time goes by, and how the winds of change are all around us.
“Create a life that feels good on the inside, not just one that looks good on the outside.”
Throughout life, we have all been guilty of portraying something that we are not. Society has made it even easier to do so with social media. The old saying, “Keeping up with the Jones’s” is more prominent today than ever.
“The two things that prevent us from happiness are living in the past and observing others.”
Healing from a broken heart after divorce can take a toll on you, both physically and mentally. The emotions you go through can seem as if the roller coaster will never end. From one broken heart to another, your pain is justified and deserves recognition in order to heal.
“Don’t miss out on something that could be great, just because it could also be difficult.”
Dating can be scary at any stage in your life but as a single parent it can often be terrifying. Single mothers and fathers should never feel the need to apologize or defend themselves. They should be open and proud about the fact that they have children. However, when venturing out into the dating world, individuals without children are sometimes hesitant to date single parents.
“There’s a difference between giving up and knowing when you have had enough.”
Marriage is a life-long commitment that one should not enter into lightly. It is something that is meant to last forever, for always, and no matter what.
We are taught to work hard and never give up. There are instances, however, that no matter how hard we try, nothing can save a marriage. Furthermore, it is extremely unhealthy to stay in a marriage at the expense of your sanity and well-being.
“A girl’s first true love is her father.”
That quote speaks volumes. The first love for anyone, is most often the deepest. A little girl, whether she knows it or not, will likely fall in love for the first time with the man she calls “Dad”. He is the man that will set the tone in her life for every great love thereafter. For some, that man sets the bar extraordinarily high. For others, that man will leave lingering insecurities and doubts in that little girl for the rest of her life.
“A stepparent is so much more than a parent; they made the choice to love when they didn’t have to.”
In America, it seems that paternal preference dictates in the favor of the mother as far as our judicial system is concerned. In other parts of the world, children are viewed as mere property belonging to their father. Much of today’s society consider women as the primary caretaker of children.
This poses the question, is there a double standard when it comes to stepdad vs stepmom?
“Let the rain wash away the pain of yesterday.”
During the past three years, our phones had shared several conversations. The recipients on either end of the calls had heard laughter, tears, naughty words, threats, promises, and screams. In the hundreds of hours of documented and recorded conversations, none had been like the one I was experiencing in that moment.
April,
“When I first met you, I honestly didn’t know you were going to be this important to me.”
On my knees, and tears uncontrollably pouring from my eyes, my fingers searched through my phone as fast as possible. I scrolled past the phone numbers of my Mom, my sisters, my best friend of 13 years, until I landed on “her” name…April Kirk.
“You don’t lose a good man. You lose a man who’s not good for you.”
The August heat beat down on our little town well into the early days of September. If you grew up on the east coast, you are well aware that between the months of May and September, Mother Nature will often show her power by bringing ashore her wet tornadoes. This time of year was known as hurricane season, and the predictability of a hurricane’s path was about as accurate as my ability to navigate my own life.
“Sometimes, things do not work out. Not because you do not deserve it, but because you deserve so much more.”
Once we arrived home after the hurricane evacuation, we were relieved to find that we had only sustained minor damage to our primary and rental homes. John and I considered ourselves extremely lucky as we witnessed the devastation that horrible storm had on our community. We spent the next few months getting our lives back in order. John and I did a large amount of reflecting while we were on our ‘hurri-cation’.
There are far better things ahead than any we leave behind. – C.S Lewis
Throughout the past two years, John and I had gone back and forth with Loren on several occasions. For a short time, things seemed like they would get better. However, just when we got accustomed to one way of thinking, the relationship would hit a new low. After the final meeting in our home, I felt a glimmer of hope that looked like nothing I had witnessed previously.
To my son, Jack -
“From the moment I held you in my arms for the first time, I knew I was holding the greatest love of my life. As my greatest love, I vowed to love and protect you until my last breath.”
Motherhood has posed new challenges that I could have never foreseen. As mothers, we prepare ourselves, mostly our hearts, for the day our children will leave the nest and spread their wings.
