“Yes, she is just a mother. Which is sort of like looking at the sky and saying, hey it’s just the sun.”
The job of a mother is at times unrewarding, unrealistic, and unimaginable. Everyday dawns with a new set of challenges that many of us are not equipped with the tools to handle. This job comes with no manual, no requirement of prior experience, and absolutely no sense of direction.
Well, technically the main direction is adulthood. The day will inevitably come when we have to release our small beings into the wild and pray with all our might that we have equipped them for the world.
For some, the term “mother” brings security and love. But, for others there is often an anger behind the memory they tie to their Mom.
How we are raised has an enormous affect on the type of mothers we become. It is true that our mothers set the standard for how we will one day parent our own children. That may seem like a tall order to fill, but most moms make it look effortless. There are, however, a few that set that standard extremely low.
As a child, the sole person I relied on constantly was my mother. She was my constant. She was my life, my breath, and my safety. She was also the person I knew would never unlove me. That type of security was also what drove me to anger with her for most of my youth and adult life. I could not understand why she was so smothering and why, no matter how hard I tried, she wouldn’t go away! *Insert basic teenage angst*
It wasn’t until years later, and after several times that I lashed out blaming my mom for everything in my life, that I realized how much that woman did to keep me alive. It was never my place to understand why she did what she did, or why she made the choices she did with raising me. All I was supposed to do was understand the loyalty of her, no matter what.
To this day, my mom is my single greatest cheerleader and rock. While I may not suffer from “Mommy issues”, I can tell you that the road a mother and daughter go down is the rockiest of them all. No matter what Hell I put her through, she was and always will be my mom. The fact that she still claims me is impressive in itself. -Loren
“There is no way to be a perfect mother, but a million ways to be a good one.”
Growing up, I witnessed several people let me down. The one person that I could always count on to be there for me, no matter what, was my mother. It is hard for anyone to admit their faults. So, it comes as no surprise that I would love to believe I was a perfect child that never gave my mom an ounce of trouble or worry. However, that would be one giant lie.
I am sure there were times that my mom wanted knock me into next week because of my bad attitude and smart mouth. There were definitely times that she put me in my place. But there was one thing that she never did…she never stopped loving me. She was my biggest cheerleader, the one I could always count on to tell me the cold, hard truth, and the one person that loved me in spite of my short comings. I learned so much from my mom, but the thing I appreciate the most is that she taught me to be the strong woman I am today.
As a child, then teenager, you never want to admit that your mom was right. Let me tell you something people – YOUR MOTHER WAS RIGHT! Now, I realize that my mom was not trying to suck the fun out of my childhood, she was trying to protect me. If only I would have listened instead of being hard-headed. Now that I am a mother myself, I realize how difficult the job can be.
Did my mom do everything right? No.
Was my mom a perfect mother? No.
Was my mom the best mom she could be to me? Yes.
Yes, I had an amazing mother that taught me so many wonderful life lessons. I cannot imagine my life without her in it. You will never find the perfect mom, nor will you find the perfect child. What you will find is a very tired woman doing her very best to raise a strong-willed, smart mouth, stringy headed, brat. When you find that woman, love her. And, after you love her – give her all the wine! -April
The issues we often have both as a child and as a parent, are the expectations in which we set for one another. I am certain every mom out there has questioned her mothering a million times, but to be fair we should also be questioning our child’s childing!
Being a mother is one of the most difficult roles you will ever play in this lifetime.
Have you ever thought, “Why couldn’t my child just be sweet?”
Have you ever wondered, “What am I doing wrong?”
Let me answer those questions for you – Your child will be sweet when they want to me, and you are doing nothing wrong.
Motherhood is about doing what you think is right, while hoping for the best.
We see things a certain way and have expectations about what motherhood is supposed to look like and who our children are supposed to be. Let me tell you, expectations are the root of all evil. If you expected to have a child who doted all over you and spoiled you with kisses, and instead got a child who pushed you away and spouted sarcastic remarks...disappointment will impede quickly.
In turn, you receive a life-long journey of butting heads and misunderstanding. Pick your battles.
Learn to let go of what you expected motherhood to look like and enjoy the journey.
Every child is different; therefore, we must alter our parenting styles to fit the child. Your firstborn may have been a walk in the park, so you decide to breed once more. Alas, you were tricked. Mother nature won and now you have baby number two. This one, you will suspect, was sent straight from Satan himself to pay you back for all the pain you caused your poor mother.
Until you put down the expectations in which you once thought your child would or should be like, you will forever be at odds with one another. More importantly, you will wage a gap between the bond that is designed for your relationship individually.
No two mother-child relationships will mirror! I will say it a little louder for the people in the back - YOU are not going to be the same mother as Carol down the street is with her child. If your child is not understanding your mothering, perhaps you are not understanding their childing.
The most important aspect of motherhood that you should not forget, is to never give up.
You will not be perfect, but you will be exactly what that child needs.
You will not have all the answers, but every word you say will be just what that child needs to hear.
You will not be able to give them everything they want, but the most important thing is to give them just what they need.
Your child needs love. They need the love of their mother.
It takes a very special person to love another more than they love themselves.
That is the definition of motherhood.
