“A fresh start is not a new place, it’s a new MINDSET.”
How much things can change in a year, should be the eighth wonder of the world. In a timespan of a single year, our lives have the opportunity to change so drastically. This is a testament to how short life truly is, how fast time goes by, and how the winds of change are all around us.
As a new year is upon us, we often take the time to reflect back on all that has happened in the year prior.
Maybe it was a new job, an engagement, the announcement of a new baby. Or maybe, like so many of us, it was letting go of a dream, healing from a loss, or simply breathing every day for 365 days. All of the above are accomplishments. Surviving, is an accomplishment in itself; one that should be celebrated just as is any other special occasion.
Our greatest accomplishment this year was celebrating Christmas for the first time as one, giant blended family.
The smallest of things make the biggest impact. A forever memory was made this year in our family. The pure joy we feel about that exceeds all else.
If someone would have told us three years ago, even one year ago, that we would be coming together as a united front to exemplify peace and forgiveness – well, we would have put you in a strait jacket and locked you in a padded room. When we tell you that things were once volatile and messy, that is exactly what we mean. There was a time when we could not be in the same vicinity as one another, let alone the same room.
As we reflect and look back on those times, we cannot help but feel shame and remorse.
We are shameful that we set that kind of example for our children, and we are remorseful for the lost time that we will never get back. Instead of wasting another moment on the should have, could have, and would haves, we decided that there was no time like the present to have a fresh start.
For myself, I look back on where I was this same time last year, and I barely remember that woman. I was broken up with, the day before the new year. A heartbreak that stung so deeply, but one that I now see as the most vivid display of change and a truly “new” start into the next year.
As I sit here looking back, my heart is so full and, rightfully so, proud of myself for all that I have accomplished in 2019. Some of those accomplishments were simply getting out of bed and showing up. Some were me standing my ground when I wanted to run. Some were just remembering to pay my utility bills on time. For each small achievement, I am proud of myself for how far I was able to come in this last year. Truthfully, this last decade.
From the woman I was in 2010, to the woman I am today, I am amazed by my own transformation. What amazes me still is thinking about the next decade in my life and knowing how much change is about to come and is about to grow me, even more.
- Loren
This year we have grown so much, not just as a family, but as individuals as well.
Part of becoming better co-parents comes from being better people. We have truly moved past all the hurt and anger in order to be the best example possible for our children. Having grown up in broken homes, we truly understand the affects it has on our little ones.
It normally only takes one person to break the cycle, however in this case it took two women and a lot of prayers. We picked up the pieces of several broken houses and made them into one beautiful, blended home.
I have grown so much in the past twenty years, but even more so in these last five years. If there is one thing I have learned recently, it is that no bad situation or circumstance you are in will last forever. The secret is that you have to take control of yourself. No one person can decide your happiness except for YOU.
If I could give you one piece of advice – it would be to never settle. Be certain in what you want and in what you deserve. Do not take no for an answer, dream bigger than you can imagine, and never stop praying.
When I first met John, it was not love at first sight. However, when we finally fell in love, I knew that he was my forever person. We have been through more in our short marriage than most will go through in a lifetime. I can tell you that I believe it has made us stronger, unbreakable if you will. Marriage is hard work but so worth it. Blending a family is grewsome but so rewarding if you have the patience to see it through.
I have learned what truly matters in this world – happiness. The happiness of myself first, and the happiness of my children and the ones I love most second. Once you have that mastered, the rest is a walk in the park.
I have also learned to let the little things go. If it is not affecting your inner peace, it is likely not worth your energy to become angry over it. It is far better to live in peace than to always get what I want. Once I truly believed and understood that, all other things fell into place.
- April
Your situation may not look like ours, and that is perfectly fine.
What is important, is that you do your absolute best to make sure your children know that you love them more than any amount of anger you have towards their other parent or stepparent.
We urge you to take the first step, extend the olive branch. Even if you have done so several times before with no return on investment. Try again, and again, and again…NEVER give up.
We want to challenge you to step in that closet and make that call. Be vulnerable and be forgiving. Show the other person that you are willing to compromise for the sake of what is most important…your children.
You may be unable to give your children the life you imagined they would have – two parents that love each other unconditionally forever and for always, living under the same roof – but you can give them two (maybe even four if they are lucky) healthy parents that love and respect one another, who are willing to put aside all the past wrongs in order to make the right life for the little lives they created.
Life is too short, and as you know, children grow way too fast.
No one begins a marriage planning for its demise. Sometimes it happens, and it is up to us to make the best of a very bad situation. In a marriage, if you are blessed enough with the opportunity to raise children together, you plan to do that as a team. That is one of the reasons divorces can get so ugly – no one wants to give up the time that they feel is theirs.
Why not change the rules?
Who says that just because you and your partner are divorced, you can no longer be a family or raise your children together as you once intended to do?
We are in charge of our own reactions – both good and bad. We are, in part, responsible for our destiny as well.
There is no rule book on divorce and co-parenting, that is why we decided to write our own!
