“You can tell who the strong women are. They are the ones you see building one another up instead of tearing each other down.”
Criticizing or judging mothers for their parenting styles simply because they do not make the same choices as you do, is wrong. Mom shaming – admittedly, it has happened to just about every one of us!
Whether it is criticism for co-sleeping with our babies versus crib sleeping, deciding to bottle feed as opposed to nursing them until they are 5, choosing to vaccinate or relying on pure homeopathic remedies, or simply for letting your child wear their house-slippers to school instead of a bow the size of planet earth. All the aforementioned issues ways in which mothers are often judged.
Mothers have all, at some point, felt the shame and judgement from others on the decisions we have made with our children.
At the same time, us moms have been guilty of shaming other moms.
We will let you all in on a little secret - no matter which parenting style or what decisions you have made with your child, we have all taken a foot to the face sleeping next to our child, most of us have wanted to give our screaming kids a hot toddy instead of organic local honey for that cough that has lasted twenty-nine days and kept us from a good night’s rest, and likely, each of us have wanted to let little Suzy wear her Batman cape to the supermarket for the third day in a row just to keep her from screaming instead of that designer dress that we ordered online and paid two months’ worth of mortgage payments for.
Judging other moms due to our own insecurities or insufficiencies is cruel and needs to end.
Let’s be real, there is not a mom in this world that can say, without a doubt, that she is perfect and had never made a parenting mistake. At one time or another we have all whacked our kids head on the car door trying to get them into their space-like car seats.
How about we take a poll on which ones of us have ever whispered under our breath what an A-hole our child is being during a standoff with said naughty child in the middle of the grocery store? Chances are, more moms are guilty of that than those that are not.
I remember being in a store with all three of my boys in a shopping cart. I was there with my best friend and her two littles. My youngest was all of 6 months old, and my husband, at the time, was deployed overseas. My smallest baby was squawking away playfully, but I admit, at a rather high volume. A woman walked by my friend and said, “Take that child home. That noise is ridiculous. Why would you be in this store with children?”
After my friend went off on her, the woman left the store in a fluster.
This happened 4 years ago. I don’t know where that woman is today, but I hope she has her own little bundle of joy, and I hope she enters that same store alone with no help and her child, having missed their nap, is in need of a bottle - which she probably left in the car.
Cheers....your turn! -Loren
I am the queen of, “If that were my child, I would…”. There was a time in my life that I strived to be the most perfect mom in the universe. Those days are long gone. I realized as a young mom, that I would never be perfect, because there is no such thing as a perfect parent. If I am being completely honest, there is absolutely no such thing as a perfect child either.
I can recall several times throughout my life of being judged or shamed as a mother. One that particularly stands out is something that many moms are criticized about all the time. I always say there are two types of moms - those that work outside the home and the angels sent from Heaven, with the patience of Job, that stay home to raise their children. Then you have moms like me that work 97 hours a week outside the home and have a nanny that does more for me than she should.
I had a friend that would constantly jab me for being a working mom. She told me daily how much of my children’s lives I was missing out on and how I would never get that time back. That same friend reminded me often that I should be the one raising my children, not a nanny. To which I replied, “Well, Karen (I call all people that annoy me Karen, Carol, or Susan), the way my bank account is set up – if my kids want to eat and not be homeless and walk around naked, then I must go to work.”
I did not actually say those words to her, but they were certainly brewing in the back of my mind. What I did do, was spend years feeling mother’s guilt and remorse for all the times I missed a school play, I could not make it to a sporting event, or forgot it was crazy sock day. But, guess what – my kids still loved me. Even though I was the “horrible working mom” for so many years of my children’s lives, they still thought I was the world’s okayest mom! -April
No matter which style of parenting you have chosen for YOUR child, just know that any other mother who shames you for your choices as if she were better at this motherhood game, also has a child she has considered selling at some point or another.
Some nights, the best part of you day is simply knowing you kept them alive. Great job momma!
We are not perfect and motherhood is hard.
It is full of tantrums, tears, and the dreaded teenage years - which we will all inevitably have to face. At the end of the day, children do not come with a manual.
We are all doing the best we can, while hoping that we are not raising the next Ted Bundy.
But, guess what? Even if you are currently raising little Teddy, we are not going to judge you.
Do you know why? Because once they are grown, you are no longer responsible for the choices they make.
You just keep on loving Teddy and showing him the right way. Maybe he will figure it out, and if not – we know a great podcast you can listen to on your drive up to the country while on your way to take him clean underwear.
How about instead of shaming another woman for her choice, we lend a helping hand when we see a screaming baby upon the hip of a clearly sleep deprived mother.
Offer to help peel her toddler of the floor where he flung himself, mid bread aisle. Instead of rolling your eyes in disgust at the kid wearing a cat costume sing a clothes hanger as a weapon in the middle of Target, roll by and give his mom a high five.
Remember, nothing worth having comes free, they are only little for a little while, and…thank God for cheap wine!
