“Don’t miss out on something that could be great, just because it could also be difficult.”
Dating can be scary at any stage in your life, but as a single parent it can often be terrifying. Single mothers and fathers should never feel the need to apologize or defend themselves, but they often find themselves doing just that. Instead, they should be open and proud about the fact that they have children.
However, when venturing out into the dating world, individuals without children are sometimes hesitant to date single parents. It is important to understand and appreciate that sometimes two people are at very different stages of their lives, and that is perfectly fine.
Growing up, April counted down the days until she would turn sixteen.
That was the magic number that her mom agreed she would be allowed to date. Sadly, she never made it to her first date. In fact, her first ‘real’ date was her wedding night at the Sweetwater, Tennessee hotel. It was not exactly all she dreamed it would be…
Several years and a couple of kids later, April found herself hitting the dating scene for the first time in her life. As a newly divorced, single mom in her early 20s, it proved much more difficult than what she had watched on television.
“The moment men found out I had children, they automatically assumed I was looking for a father for my girls. I assured them very quickly that was not the case. I was not sure what exactly I was looking for at that point, but it certainly was not a daddy!” -April
April dreamed of finding her fairytale life, but not at the expense of losing herself in the process.
The most important aspects of her life were her children and her career. After those, there did not seem to be much room for anything or anyone else. She kept her ‘mom life’ and her ‘dating life’ separate from one another.
“I did not allow anyone I dated to meet my daughters, unless I felt a very strong connection to that person. My girls had been through enough after mourning the divorce of their parents. The last thing I wanted to do was create a revolving door of men in and out of their lives.” -April
Knowing it would take a special man to accept April and all that accompanied her, she took her time waiting for the perfect soulmate. Her heart was fragile and in need of mending, but that did not stop her from knowing that she deserved love and was also capable of giving her heart away again – at the right time.
Patience is of utmost importance when reentering the dating world, and it was not something April was going to do on a whim.
“After everything I had been through, I was adamant that I would not make the same mistakes twice. Not to mention, this time I had two impressionable little girls watching my every move. I was determined to be the best example I could for my daughters.” -April
Timing also plays an important role in dating.
After a divorce, and as a parent, it becomes even more significant to take your time and weigh all your options. Being certain of your expectations and standards are essential as well. Having a clear understanding that you need to play it safe and not take as many chances as you may have as a single person with no responsibilities is a serious discussion that you must have with yourself.
As a single mom in her *cough cough* thirties, dating was terrifying for Loren.
The idea of going out can be fun and exciting, exhilarating even. However, the reality of all the seriousness dating entails is scary. For her, she is dating with a broken heart. That means, she is much more cautious and her vetting process for the “perfect match” is more strenuous than it was back in her younger years, pre babies.
“I won’t just settle for anyone. My sons are watching.” -Loren
Since her divorce, Loren has been in two semi-serious relationships. One ended on good terms after a few short months, and the other ended with a restraining order and crippling anxiety. For Loren, when she refers to dating she means getting to know someone over dinner or a drink, or texting and even an occasional FaceTime.
In reality the term dating is just a label placed on singles who are getting to know other singles. When Loren started to put herself out there on the dating scene, her intentions were hopeful in finding a mate. The more first dates (that were most always last dates) she went on, the more she realized it wasn’t about getting to know someone else in order to become serious with them. It was more of a recreational activity of getting to know herself! Sound selfish? That’s because it is, and it should be.
“Dating has become a way in which I have learned what it is I truly want in a partner and what I see myself being as a partner to someone else. It has taught me to speak up about what I want out of life, what I expect out of a mate, and how to communicate with others when I am no longer interested.” -Loren
Dating in a sense is just like an interview.
You are presenting to someone your best, and worst qualities in order to see if you are a fit. Unfortunately, many have seen Loren as a “fit” for them, but she has not felt the same way. Perhaps a large setback of dating a single mom in her 30’s is the fact that you will be competing with her independence, her peace, and above all her motherhood.
“The world I have built for myself as a single mom is my safe haven. I cannot possibly allow just anyone to waltz in and figure it out, or potentially ruin it!” -Loren
It is ok to be picky. Loren admits that she will always be picky. She has admittedly had enough heartbreak and disruption in her life. Choosing someone to walk through life with her is not something she takes lightly. Because at the end of the day, she is perfectly at peace walking through life on her own.
“My sons are and always will be the main men in my life; their father comes second. So the man ( if there’s one out there meant for me) who comes into my life to stay, will need to be secure in his role and be capable of loving a woman like me…a woman who is flawed, unapologetic, independent, and a mother above all else.” -Loren
Whether you are new to the dating world or a semi-pro, it can have its difficulties.
Adding in parenting while attempting to find a soulmate can be both demanding and troublesome. Knowing and understanding your limits is absolutely necessary.
Dating can be such a fun and exhilarating experience at any age.
Know what you want, and never settle.
Set boundaries and standards for yourself, and never allow them to be compromised.
Above all else, enjoy yourself and have fun doing so!
Now is your chance for a new beginning.
Never settle, because YOU deserve the very best life has to offer!
