“Friendship is about trusting each other, helping each other, loving each other, and being crazy together.”
Friendship comes is various shapes and sizes. Some are childhood bonds that last a lifetime, or the friends we made in school, and don’t forget the unlikely friends we make along our journey through life. If you are a military family, like we are, you have the friends you have made in each duty station that now reside all over the world.
To find a friend who compliments you, supports you, and loves you, - flaws and all - is truly magical in itself. Let’s for a moment, recognize those people in our lives.
Now imagine if that amazing human that you share so many of life’s ups and down with, also happens to be in wedded bliss with the person you were once in wedded bliss with.
Does that change the sincerity or gravity of the friendship?
Personally, we say no!
In fact, for the two of us, we often find ourselves becoming even closer with one another, at the expense of our common knowledge and relationship with the man that is ex-husband to one of us and now husband to the other. For whatever reason, this seems to somehow give us a better understanding and loyalty towards one another.
The looks we receive from strangers once they find out that our friendship is the result of being the wife and ex-wife of the same man, are the looks of shock and amazement.
Unfortunately, our relationship does not have a fairy tale beginning. It can be better described as an episode of Jerry Springer. However, the bond we have now is one of the strongest friendships that either of us could have ever imagined.
“Getting to know, and in my case falling in love with my ex-husband’s wife, has been one of the strangest and most honest friendships. For those that question it I will say this- if my best friend can defend me to her husband that was once my husband, is there really any other form of trust needed?
Furthermore, as polar opposite as we may be, we share the most similar and at times identical path of Motherhood. This gives our relationship respect.” -Loren
Our plan was never to be as close as we are; our plan was to merely exist in the same universe, while attempting to parent a lot of children together.
“I am still astounded by the fact that I call my husband’s ex-wife and mother of my bonus children one of my very best friends. We argue like sisters and love each other with our whole hearts.
To say that our friendship is unique, would be an understatement. Is it unconventional? Sure! Do I care that everyone thinks it is insane? Absolutely not!
There are times that being best friends with my husband’s ex-wife puts me in the most awkward of situations. However, I think we do a pretty good job at separating the two entities. I would not change it for the world. It also makes things so much better for our dynamic. Not to mention, we accept one another, craziness and all.” -April
Loyalty, trust, and respect are the most obvious traits of a strong friendship.
Most of you who are reading this may have your best friend in mind and think to yourself, “Duh! Yes, that’s exactly how me and my best friend are!”
It is the exact same for us, only our relationship is looked at as odd or disingenuous for the simple twist that we are Mom and Stepmom, or Wife and Ex-Wife. We are here to tell you that our friendship is very real and true.
One thing that drives us to work on our friendship every day is the fact that we are setting a once in a lifetime example for ALL of our 85 children. We would like to think that is a pretty amazing reason to choose friendship over foes any day!
We understand that not everyone will have or wants to have a relationship like ours.
Some consider us too close for comfort. The way we see it is that we are showing our children the best example of forgiveness, love, and kindness. It is not to say that families that are unlike us are doing a disservice to their little humans.
This is us; this is our new normal, and we love it!
