“And she was made to appear crazy by the man who drove her there.”

There are so many factors that affect a relationship. Age, maturity, and mindset all play a part in how we treat those we love and vice versa.

Not every relationship has a fairytale beginning. All love stories are different and unique in their own way. Some a little more conventional than others but all are beautiful, nonetheless.

When you meet someone, fall in love, and decide to spend the rest of your lives together, the last thing you can imagine is that person hurting you. Once you find ‘your’ person and they promise to love you with all they have, forever and ever, as long as you both shall live – you expect nothing less than.

What if it does not go exactly as planned?

What if that relationship ends in a messy break-up or divorce?

You should not give up on love altogether. You may even muster up the courage and strength it takes to try again with someone else.

Hopefully, you learned a thing or two from your previous encounter with romance. More than likely you will set some ground rules for yourself; maybe your guard will be up a little higher than before.

“My ex-husband once told me that he had lied so much, he didn’t know what was true and what was not. This was probably the only honest thing he ever said to me, and it stuck with me for a very long time. The entanglements throughout our marriage carried over into our divorce. He did the single thing he was good at, which was hiding the truth. I believe now that he did this out of fear of rejection, fear of exposure, and fear of me running for the hills with our sons. Does it justify his double life? No! Does it allow perspectives to be seen? Yes.

When the webs are so tangled that you may not even begin to unravel them, it’s time to take a step back. I had to get out of my own way for once. I forced myself to look past the man I knew to gamble with the truth throughout our marriage and dig into the other side of the story. I thought, “There has to be more than the answers I am getting from him and the reality I am seeing play out in front of me. I cannot be losing my mind, but I feel like I am!”

The story began unraveling on my side of the fence. When my on-again, off-again husband began his friendship with our neighbor, nothing about it felt right. One day he would push me away by telling me he was falling in love with her, the next he was begging to make our marriage work and exuding his never-ending love for me. This went on for months, and the only thing my mind and heart agreed upon was that this man was trying to mess with my head because he was unsure about what he really wanted.

Years later, when I got a chance to truly sit down and dissect things with the woman on the other side of the fence, I was able to see the full picture. He was caught on the fence line - somewhere between wanting someone new, and not fully letting someone go. It made every action that I had lived through for three years make sense. It did not necessarily make me feel better. However, it did open my eyes to how tragic our marriage really was. He was never meant to be mine, and I had held on for far too long.

For a long time, I blamed myself for the heartbreak. Had I just let him go when he showed me that he wanted me to, then maybe - just maybe - I would have saved myself from insurmountable pain and heartbreak.

Learning how to let go is a lesson I only wish I had grasped earlier in life. In my case, it took a John, to break my will and learn how to let go. It may not make sense to many, but I am grateful he broke my heart. It made me stronger and more resilient than I ever imagined I could be, and there is no price you can put on that.

We often preach ‘letting go’. Letting go doesn’t happen as easily as Elsa makes it seem. Sometimes, it takes a giant loss, one that shatters our belief and faith in humankind. Struggling to grasp why someone has done something the way they have done it, will eat you alive. We often cannot understand the why, but instead we understand the how.

How have we allowed the negative behaviors towards us? How did we react? How do we rationalize going forward? How do we trust again? All of these are things we CAN manage and not drive ourselves crazy with trying to figure out the purpose. You will rest a lot easier knowing that you are able to solve the ‘how’, so just go ahead and throw out the ‘why’!” -Loren

God tells us that everything will work out in the end.

You may not know when or how - you are just supposed to trust in Him that it will.

We cannot let one negative occurrence determine what our future holds, nor should we allow it to bring out the worst in us. Choose positivity, be determined, and remain strong in every situation.

Martin Luther King, Jr. said, “We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope.”

Those ae some very powerful words. In fact, that is something that we unknowingly base a lot of our decisions upon. It is one thing to accept mistakes in our relationships, but we cannot allow the outcome of them to affect the hope we have in the future of our quest for true love.

Should we forgive those that have the nerve to admit their mistakes?

We all possess the capability to do so, therefore we believe in showing grace to those that cause us pain.

“Being married for a third time, I could either be considered insane or determined. I never imagined my life turning out the way it has, but everything happens for a reason.

Throughout most of my life, I have been a very loyal and forgiving person. The way I see it, I am not perfect and deserve compassion, therefore those that cause me pain deserve it as well. You have all heard of the age old saying, “Do unto others…”. There was a time when I thought the end of that sentence meant revenge. I should do to others what they have done to me. However, it did not take long for me to understand that was not the case. We should treat others how we hope they would treat us.

Have I been burned because of that belief? Absolutely! Do I allow it to determine how I behave and who I let into my life? Somewhat. While I do not allow past circumstances to define me or harden my heart, I always learn a lesson from each incident.

After my first marriage ended, I swore to never trust another man for as long as I lived. My track record in nuptials has proven that is in fact a BIG FAT LIE! When I began to have feelings for John, I never once sensed apprehensive about the type of man I believed him to be. To me, he seemed very genuine and honest. Some of the things he told me caused a bit of shock and awe. However, I appreciated the fact that he cared enough to share the difficult and uncomfortable chronicles of his life.

Some of the words that spilled from his heart and mouth would have caused a normal woman to go running for the hills. But we have already established that I am no ordinary woman.

It took some deep soul searching to allow myself to fall deeper in love with a man that had such a seedy past. I was no saint, so who was I to judge the man before me. Even after I began comparing ‘stories’ with Loren and things did not necessarily add up, I refused to believe that the man I love so much was an evil villain.

I believe that people do things in tough situations that they would not necessarily do under normal circumstances. Does that mean I think it is ok to be dishonest? Absolutely not! It just means that I can relate and understand that a momentary lapse in judgement can occur even in the best of humans. The real test is if we learn from our mistakes.

There was something about John, something deep inside that would not allow me to turn my back on him. Even after I found out that he had not been completely honest about the ending of his marriage. We have had several in depth conversations where he has explained his reasoning. Although I may not agree with the way he handled things, I know why he acted the way he did.

What I found to be most admirable is that John has always strived to be a better man. He has owned his indiscretions and has learned that there is only one person to blame for them…himself. I admire his brutal honesty, albeit butt clenching at times.

I have watched him grow and become the man he has always wanted to be; the man he always has been but was too afraid to let his true self show. Do I regret not running for the hills in the beginning? Not one bit! I would be lying if I said the road that we chose has been an easy one. However, I would not want to travel it with anyone else.

I gained so much more than a romantic and loving husband and partner when I chose to spend the rest of my life with John. I gained understanding, strength, a solid and wonderful extended family, three amazing bonus babies, and one crazy and fabulous best friend!” -April

It is not our right to constantly punish someone for their past inconsistencies.

It is up to each individual to learn from their mistakes instead of constantly denying them.

If they are not willing to come to terms with their discrepancies, they may not have earned a spot in your life.

However, giving up on someone you love, something you have fought so hard for is not the answer.

Nothing worth having comes easy.

Relationships are not incredible because they are easy. They take a lot of hard work; they require two people that are strong and care so much about each other that they are always willing to find ways to make it work.

Love requires forgiveness.

Forgiveness requires effort; effort on the part of the person forgiving and the one requiring forgiveness.

Every problem has a solution, and it is possible to bounce back from just about anything. The secret is that you have to want it bad enough.

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