“The only perfect parents are the ones that don’t have kids yet.”
While no two people are exactly the same, we are certain everyone would agree that parenting can be difficult at times.
We have stated before – there is no manual for parenting. The doctors and nurses that help you bring your fascinating little creatures into this world, quickly send you on your merry way to fend for yourself. They watch as you cheerfully leave the hospital with such high hopes of breaking the mold of parenthood.
Meanwhile, before the ink dries on the discharge papers, the hospital staff sit cackling in the corner knowing they have just sent you to battle, unarmed, unprepared, and unaware of just how much sleep you are about to NOT receive.
If you are anything like us, you give it your finest attempt and hope for the best outcome.
In the last few years, we have been so lost in establishing and redefining our co-parenting journey, that we often forgot to just be moms.
However, that is not all we have forgotten…
It seems we may have neglected to remember that WE ARE HUMAN.
We spend so much time comparing ourselves to our own parents, to our close friends, to the other moms at the park having play dates, or even to the strangers on the internet that make ‘mom-ing’ look so darn easy.
It is a filthy lie! Lies on lies on lies!
Parenting is hard. Anyone who tells you otherwise is high – on medication, really good medication. Seriously, you should find out who their doctor is…then come tell us so we can make an appointment.
“Dear Diary,
Today, I am confessing my exhaustion from not only motherhood, but all of adulthood. My overwhelming anxiety from constant self-doubt and maternal guilt has officially maxed out my patience. My head spins with thoughts of the "what if’s".
I know I am not supposed to sit with the negative thoughts, but they are all-consuming, yet somehow comforting. Too often, I find myself roaming the dark corners of my mind, replaying my journey of motherhood. I expect to find comfort in my achievements thus far, but I am somehow only faced with questioning my failures.
I often wish I had done things differently. Here I sit, hoping to right my wrongs, soften the times I raised my voice, or appear in the times I was absent.
Have I failed?
I am a 33-year-old woman; what exactly have I accomplished, other than surviving? Nothing.
I see this word constantly and feel it eminently. I have nothing to show for my accomplishments, and often feel mocked by my shortcomings. No home, no belongings to claim as my own - other than the clothes I tote around in bags. I have no savings, bad credit, two divorces, and a college degree covered in cobwebs.
After a decade, I feel like all I have to show for life is a fear of commitment, a head full of grey hair, adult acne, a stomach ulcer, and severe stress with a dash of crippling depression.
As I see it, my sons are my only successes. They are my own flesh and blood that I grew both inside and out.
Right now, today, in this moment, that is the only victory I feel to have moderately accomplished. Although, I am certain my sons would disagree. However, someday they may share their stories to a therapist…one that I will likely have to pay for.
For me, the “bio mom”, I tend to compete with the idea that I have to be everything to my sons and to prove to others that I am the best. Why? Why do I feel like I have to compete with other mothers, let alone their stepmom?
You know what? Their stepmom is an OG. She actually does have more skills and knowledge on the topic of motherhood than I do. I envy her, but also cling to her to help me survive motherhood.
From one mom to another, seeing her struggles, comforts me in mine. I pray other new, or even seasoned moms, feel the same comfort when I speak of my struggles and self-doubt. At the end of the day, I don’t believe motherhood was ever intended to be walked alone. We should voice our failures and laugh at our attempts, together.
In this moment, I want to say to myself - girl, go wash your hair and go the Hell back to bed. Today was not your day. Seemingly, neither has this year been your year. Take off your bra and chill out! You will do better tomorrow. And if you don’t, then sleep in an extra hour and try harder the next morning." -Loren
Motherhood is not all misery and despair; it truly is a gift from God.
Children are a blessing and they give our lives purpose. We could not imagine a day without our babies in it. That being said, it is not for the faint of heart.
There are days when you are going to think you cannot handle one more minute, one more time of being a referee, one more second of hearing your name be called, one more plea for a snack, or one more fit because you cut the sandwich into squares instead of triangles. You must have missed the memo on proper sandwich cutting etiquette.
When you feel like going crazy, know that you are not alone.
We have all wanted to lock ourselves in a closet just to get away from our kids. At one time or another, we have all thought our kids were being jerks, we have all forgotten to put the sandwiches in our kids’ lunchboxes, (Nope? Just April? Very well.) and we have all forgotten one of our kids at a drop-off. (Nope? Just Loren? Awesome.)
The point is, stop putting so much pressure on yourselves to be the perfect mom. That person does not exist. Just be YOU!
Be the mom YOU want to be.
You are not required to volunteer at every school carnival or bake sale.
You do not have to feed your children an all-organic diet. (Remember – they all eat boogers!)
“Dear Diary,
I am a terrible mother! I love my kids more than life itself, but today – today I don’t like them very much.
I realize the blessing I have been given, as not all are as fortunate. I know that I should cherish each day because before I know it, they will be grown. But some days are not cherish-able. Some days suck!
Twenty-four years; that is how long I have been a mother. Twenty-four long, beautiful, and sleepless years. You would think, by now, I would understand exactly how to ‘be’ a mother. However, the rules have changed. I have already raised two girls. They are strong, educated, independent, and beautiful young women. During their teenage years, they literally drove me crazy. But I survived. More importantly, they survived.
I am not so sure the same will be said about raising these four boys.
Why do children decide at a certain age that I no longer know ANYTHING? Why is it so hard to just listen? It is as if they want to make me crazy!
As a woman and mother, I never want to admit I can’t handle it all. I really do want to be one of those moms that are “perfect in every way”, but that just isn’t me. While I am so grateful to be where I am in life, I am not where I hoped I would be. Two teen pregnancies, two divorces, three marriages, working harder than a coal miner, still not a Victoria’s Secret model or country music singer, and will likely never use that college degree I received in my thirties.
There is even more pressure to be a great bonus mom. How can I expect another woman, their biological mother, to entrust me with her children when I feel like such a failure? Thank God she is understanding to the fact that, as mothers, we all have bad days. Bless her for being my best friend and supporting me…even on my bad mom days.
Here I sit today admitting that, in fact, I cannot do it all. I want to scream. I want to cry. I want my mommy. I want my kids to listen. I want my dog to stop eating socks that he vomits up on the one rug positioned in a sea of hardwood flooring. I want a taco. I want to eat all the food and gain none of the pounds. I want to protect all the children, solve world hunger, provide shelter for the homeless, and save all the animals. Is that really too much to ask?
Most importantly, I want my children to think they have a good mom. I want to be the one they come to with all their problems and successes and good news and bad news. I want them to know how much I love them. My hope is that they don’t remember the homely heifer that is so tired that she can’t bear to listen to one more dinosaur fact, or help build another Lego, or hunt down the bright blue – not yellow – bath bomb, or play another game of basketball that I will surely lose.
I don’t want my kids to remember the homely heifer that screamed bloody murder because they wanted five more minutes of bedroom wrestle mania, all because she was too tired and stressed from a long day at work.
I may never be the fun mom, or the Pinterest mom, or the cool and hip mom, but I pray they remember…that mama tried.” -April
YOU CAN yell at your kids.
YOU CAN enjoy time away from your kids.
YOU CAN think your kid is a jerk sometimes.
That does not make you a bad mom – that makes you HUMAN!
You gave those children life – whether by childbirth or choosing to bring them into your heart and home to raise as your own.
You provide for them and love them and wipe their tears and bandage their boo-boos.
So, you don’t read them a bedtime story every night. Big deal!
Maybe you put them to be early to enjoy Real Housewives in peace. Who cares!
Like life, parenting is about balance.
You will have good days and bad. The real gift is that you get to wake up each morning and try again.
Parenting is not a competition; it is survival of the fittest!
Everyone’s child hates them at one time or another, and if they don’t – then you’re not doing it right!
We have all felt like failures at one point in our parenthood journey.
Do you want to know the secret to successful parenting?
Look over at your babies. See that smile?
That is your proof – proof that you are doing a good job, momma!
