“Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind, always.”
It is true that some of the toughest battles we face are often the battles that lie within us.
There was a time when the terms depression and anxiety were taboo. Those that suffered from such illnesses were shamed and belittled. Mental illness is more prominent and talked about in the world today, than ever before.
Crying, headaches, the feeling of abyss, highs and lows of laughter and depression, these are ALL signs that immediate concern should be shown to your mental health. Your body and spirit are trying to tell you to slow down and listen to the warnings. If you are feeling a bit off or out of touch, it is your body’s way of telling you, “Hey, look at me! I need your attention too!”
It can be extremely scary to go through bouts of depression. Imagine dealing with these highly intense emotions, all while being the primary caregiver in your child’s life.
As moms, we struggle to make ourselves a priority of any kind.
We often suppress the battles we are fighting internally, because we have other people that rely on us to survive, every single day.
We are expected to work a full-time job, cook three meals a day, do homework that would make Einstein have heart palpitations, keep our homes so clean we could serve dinner off the floor, get Johnny to baseball practice and Suzy to ballet, give birth a few more times, end world hunger, give our spouses enough attention and sex to keep them satisfied and their eyes off the woman next door, have whiskey on ice as soon as Mr. Perfect walks in the door…all while looking like a Stepford Wife.
Oh, and don’t forget to wear your heels and pearls.
There’s no crying in motherhood! Wake up Karen – it’s 2020. Nothing is off limits right now!
It is absolutely ok if your kids are a mess, your house is a mess, you are a mess, and you bring store-bought cupcakes to the PTA bake sale.
We are here to tell you, that you deserve to make yourself a priority.
“I never suffered from postpartum specifically, however I have suffered with bouts of depression on and off throughout my entire life. Certain traumas I went through aided in escalating my depression.
My divorce for example, was probably one of the worst times. I suffered from weekly panic attacks that sent me to the emergency room a few times. I also suffered from suicidal thoughts and crippling anxiety, that affected my ability to go out in public. The worst panic attack I can remember during that time, was the final straw. The thought of this causing me to have a heart attack and my children to be left alone, was enough.
I went to the doctor the next day and asked for help. I will never forget the words she said to me, as I was hesitant about being medicated. She said, ‘You are going through something big right now. I truly believe you will get through this and come out on the other side. In the meantime, there is nothing wrong with needing a little help to get you there and to help you have a calm mind. This is only temporary, just like what you are going through.’
For the next six months, I had the help I needed to calm my body and mind. It was a must, in order to function during the storm I was living through. In addition to this, I called a local church and asked if they had any groups for women going through divorce. For the next year, I went to a group meeting weekly, surrounded by other women who were going or had gone through divorce.
We would share our struggles and our stories. This was another tool I used in assisting me through the darkest time in my life. It was the best thing I could have done for myself and my sons. Little did I know at the time, but the storm that lay ahead of me was far greater than the one I was currently walking through.
However, had I not gotten the help I needed, I may have never pulled through the next portion of my journey. In fact, I know I wouldn’t have.” -Loren
According to the Centers for Disease Control, it is reported that 1 in 8 women experience postpartum depression.
Postpartum is the experience of several emotions fluctuating rapidly. This often occurs after the birth of a baby and can last up to a year. Another term for this is, “Baby Blues”. For women who suffer from anxiety and depression pre-birth, the symptoms they will experience after their baby is born may become even more intense.
These emotions range from joy, sadness, depression, anxiety, and intense crying spells. The ebbs and flows of these emotions can take a toll on you. When you add in sleepless nights, a crying baby, and the heightened sense of alert you have from caring for a baby all day long, your hormones and emotions will be amplified and often become unmanageable.
“I am extraordinarily thankful that my daughters were so young when I divorced their father. There are a few reasons I say this, but most importantly so they may not remember what a pathetic loon I was. I married my high school sweetheart…while I was still in high school. Obviously, it did not end well.
Our divorce was atrocious at best. As for me, I did the bare minimum to survive. I managed to wake up and get the kids to the sitter and myself to work. I would swing by the closest (and cheapest) drive-thru to provide an innutritious meal. After bath time, I would usher them off to bed so I could cry into my pillow. The next day, I would wake up and do it all over again.
The weekends were the worst. I was lucky if I made it from the bed to the couch; pajamas were the only appropriate weekend attire. I would make sure there was enough food within their reach on the pantry shelves to allow myself minimal trips off the couch. I suggested they play in the living room floor or watch television so I could sleep as much as possible.
Forget having a social life, that was completely out of the question. Not only did I have no desire to be around anyone – even my friends that tried their best to be there for me – I had never felt more hideous and unattractive in all my life. There were days that I prayed to not even wake up. I did not see the point; I would only be reliving the same nightmare over and over again.
You would think I would have been afraid of losing my children; that had been something threatened a few times before. I was accused of being ‘crazy’ because of the way I behaved during my divorce. It is both scary and comical (now, not then) the lows I was willing to stoop to in order to cause pain to the person I felt had done me wrong.
I wish I could say that a light bulb went off, or something magical happened to make me snap out of my divorce depression. Maybe it was the day that I completely lost it in a bathroom stall. There I was, looking like a scalded ape, screaming and crying, kicking and punching the door. Right there in that bathroom stall, I hit my knees and begged God to take the pain away. It was a pain like nothing I had ever felt. My everything ached! I was completely and utterly miserable.
God heard my cries, and He brought me to my feet. I had two perfect little women that were watching their mother fall apart. I wanted to teach them to be strong, just as my mom had taught me. I made the difficult decision to call my doctor. I knew I wanted to get better, but I also knew that I could not do it alone.” -April
When is it time to seek professional help?
That’s simple – the moment you begin to lose your spark. When you feel yourself going down a slippery slope, when you begin losing interest in things that used to put a smile on your face, or when you are unable to properly care for yourself and the very reason you breathe.
Never be too proud or unsure to reach out for help. This is the first step in nurturing yourself. You cannot care for your tiny humans if you are not whole in both mental and physical health.
Having depression of any kind, does not make you a horrible mother.
Sometimes life happens, and we need a little assistance in putting the pieces back together. Being stressed, emotional, anxious, or just not feeling like yourself does not mean you are incapable of taking care of your children or being a great mom. You are still the amazing mother you have always been. It’s called a bad day, a bad month, or even a few bad months. This too, shall pass!
It does not define your entire journey of motherhood.
So, on your list of things to do - right next to getting enough exercise, responding to all of your emails and texts, having a social life, being the world’s greatest mom, and drinking enough water - remember to breathe!
You absolutely CAN do all the things…just not at the same time.
It is ok to say, “NO”.
Remember, you are not Superwoman.
