“Sometimes you will never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory.” -Dr. Seuss
Throughout our lives, we will encounter good and bad.
We will experience evil and virtue.
In all those instances, there is only one thing we can control…how we choose to react to them. Often, lousy things happen to great people; favorable things happen to dreadful people.
It is not up to us to decide who gets what.
However, it is crucial that we maintain self-control throughout all situations that life hands us. We are sure that each one of our readers have heard the saying, “Not every action deserves a reaction”. So simple, yet so true. Those six little words can save us so much wasted time and energy.
Life is too short, and it is pertinent that we focus on what truly matters – our love for one another.
"They say tragedy can either bring out the worst or the best in people. I have seen it happen all too often, the rift that happens amongst loved ones, when a family member passes away.
A pivotal and tragic moment in my life, had the opposite impact. It repaired a missing piece of my life, that I thought I would never have back.
After my first divorce, my ex-husband and I went our separate ways and did not speak. We had no children together and were both in a rush to quickly move on, in hopes that the love we still had for another would eventually go away.
A year into my second marriage, my husband dropped a bomb on me. He confessed he had cheated during his deployment, which resulted in the birth of another child. As I was dealing with the shock and heartbreak from this, I decided to move home for a bit to figure out where to go from there - both in my marriage and in life.
Having only been home for a few days, and in between caring for a toddler and crying until I was dehydrated, I sat down one night to finally check my phone. To my surprise, I had received a text from the most unlikely person, someone I had not spoken to in nearly two years…my ex-husband. It simply read, “I am going to call you soon.” Just as I read it, my phone rang.
I answered the phone. I couldn’t believe it was really him. Before I could even ask how he’d been, he calmly said, “Bryan died.”
My mind raced with questions…
How? When? What happened? But instead, I waited for him to finish talking.
He said, “I am standing across the street from our house right now. He shot himself in the living room. I don’t know why I called you, but for some reason you were the first person I thought to call. I needed to hear your voice.” There, in that moment I knew I would love that man for all my life and the regret of our divorce hit…it hit us both.
The conversation wasn’t long, but it felt like forever. I remember not wanting the call to end, but knowing that when it did, I would probably not hear from him again for a very long time. And I was right. However, the beautiful peace I had was a reminder that he loved me, I loved him, and the kind of love we had didn’t need to be a fairy tale ending.
We went on to remain in touch for years to come. Sometimes a year or two would go by, but we would always find each other once again, at a moment of almost necessity. Being the constant in each other’s lives, that when tragedy strikes, we would always have a familiar voice to call. It would bring us back to an innocent time and gave a reminder of true love.
Bryan’s passing is something that sits with us to this day, for several reasons. It was also a reminder to forgive while you have the chance, to love even when you have been hurt, and to live without letting fear holding you back.” -Loren
“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” -Viktor E. Frankl
Sometimes the best response to a toxic exchange is to have no response at all. We understand how irritating it can be to not have the last word or not be able to tell others every bad thing about the person that hurt you.
Being silent in the midst of rage can also be extremely liberating.
The only thing better than that, is allowing your story of tragedy to be someone else’s journey towards triumph.
“If someone told me eighteen years ago that I would one day laugh at what I was going through at the time, I would have punched them in the throat. But here I am today, recounting those dark moments, with a smile on my face. I appreciate all that I went through, because it has allowed me to appreciate the beautiful life I have today.
What I appreciate even more, is the fact that my marriage to Jerry did not land me in the psych ward, the county jail, or the morgue. There are not enough hours in the day to recount the insane stories from our eight years of wedded unhappiness. Even if I had the time to recap all the drama, I cannot say I find it imperative to do so.
Forgiveness and growth have allowed us to move on from those times. It has granted us the peace we needed to raise our children in two separate, loving homes. The agony of my first divorce was unfathomable. I have previously described it as a pain you cannot begin to imagine. It was a feeling of loss, much like the one you have when you lose a loved one.
Even though Jerry and I knew we did not belong together, it seemed so difficult for either of us to come to terms with the idea. We were not good for each other. I drove him crazy and he drove me insane! A healthy couple, that did not make. It was challenging for the two of us to accept that we would not longer be husband and wife. I am not sure if it had more to do with the familiarity of our togetherness, or if it was simply out of spite.
Either way, we both made it near impossible for the other to move on…without hostility. I was so angry that, like every other man in my life, Jerry had let me down. He had given up on me and on our family. He was angry that I would no longer allow him to have his cake and eat it too. Not to mention, I think it is hard for a man when the woman decides to walk away.
Jerry was a fighter, both in the literal and figurative sense of the word. He was not about to let me go without a battle. Being that I have more of my momma in me than I sometimes like to admit, I was willing to give him a run for his money. Let’s just say that Jerry has been in a bar fight (or twelve) in his day, and he still says that I have the best right hook he’s ever taken!
As I said before, I was ready to move on the minute I decided that my marriage to Jerry was over. However, he was not exactly on board. To say that he made it difficult for me to find love, is putting it lightly. Jerry befriended the first guy I dated, and they became roommates and best buds. Another guy was so terrified of Jerry, that he broke up with me and moved out West.
The only man that was brave enough to accept me and the Jerry I brought with me, was the one I married before he could change his mind. Roy was not fazed by a shirtless Jerry, screaming and pounding his chest while pacing back and forth on the front porch.
He never said a word when I ran outside to throw anything I could find at Jerry as he squealed tires out of the driveway at the threat of me calling the police. Roy didn’t even flinch when he heard about all the horror stories of a screaming and flailing me, being drug out of the local honky-tonk bar after seeing Jerry and Jessica at MY favorite place in town.
It is funny how one person’s tragic ending can be another person’s beautiful beginning. No one likes to recount their part in life’s horror story, but I have found it to be the most freeing and therapeutic part of my journey.” -April
“The most courageous decision that you can make each day is to be in a good mood.” -Voltaire
People handle hurt and anger in many different ways.
We all have distinct coping mechanisms. Some of them are healthy, while others are pernicious.
It is up to us to choose how which path we take.
Either way, the eye-opening lessons and experiences we gain while recovering from these situations, can be life altering.
It is pertinent that we never let our tragedies define us. Always remember the importance of learning from our struggles and using them in a way that allows us to prosper in our future relationships.
Sometimes, the harder we struggle in life, the more rewarding our triumphs will be.
