“You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending.”
- C.S. Lewis
Looking back on our lives, we cannot help but think about the pain we endured, the heartache we went through, and the mistakes we made. Through it all, there were lessons learned and strength gained.
We take so much pride in how far we have come.
We have explained previously, there are many aspects that are involved in the development of a positive co-parenting relationship.
For us, the beginning of our journey was nothing short of a nightmare. Neither side was willing to budge; there was absolutely no give and take. It was all give and all take!
Lao Tzu quoted, “If you would take, you must first give, this is the beginning of intelligence.”
That should be the foundation of any successful partnership. Along with communication, what you have to offer someone and what you are able to gain from others is extremely important.
“Just when I am in the middle of throwing myself a pity party, I stop and realize just how far I have come. I don’t mean just my divorce and custody battle; I mean in life. I never pictured or imagined the heartache life would bring after my first divorce. I never knew I could be torn down and stripped to nothing. I never felt I was equipped with the strength for any of it. Yet here I am, still standing.
Looking back at the last four years specifically, I have overcome every hill placed in front of me. One of those hills being the character assassinations and trials of my motherhood being questioned and attempted to be erased. While several blessings have come from it all, I would argue that the woman we have had care for all of our children during those times, and still, was by far one of the greatest gifts.
She was placed right in the very middle of an embarrassing and conflict filled spot. She went between homes, sometimes other’s homes and her own, and walked both sides of our battle. She listened to us each vent, each of our concerns and overreactions about the other home, and all the while did so without judgement, and under full disclosure.
It is not every day you are gifted with this human being. For myself, the one thing that ended my side of the custody battle was giving up my fight for child support. I settled with my ex-husband to be solely responsible for childcare costs. This was a giant hit to my finances, as I needed to figure out how to care for my sons without any form of monetary child support. Low and behold though, childcare costs were in fact a wonderful compromise, and I would trust no one to earn that place except for the Nanny that was chosen many years before.
To this day, she remains in our sons' lives. Her care for them, in my eyes, is priceless. She is family. She has walked this walk with us, she has loved our children like her own, and she has prayed the same prayers we have for our family.
Kayla is the best Nanny we could have ever prayed for. She is more than a Nanny though, she is family. We cherish her so much. The blessing she has been to our family has made everything else possible when we started to facilitate a peaceful coparenting relationship. I could not thank her enough!” - Loren
Anything is possible when the right people are there to support you through it.
It is often difficult to find the right people to support you in life’s endeavors. Entrusting someone to care for the tiny humans that you created has to be the greatest honor placed upon someone.
During child custody battles, the last thing on your mind is sharing anything with your ex. However, doing what is in the best interest of the children should be your top priority. In the difficult times that your little humans are facing, creating the least amount of chaos possible is critical.
Even the smallest step in the right direction is a positive step.
“After many attempts at being the peacekeeper, I had almost lost hope that our co-parenting relationship would ever be harmonious. However, my stubborn drive would not allow me to give up.
The two decades of co-parenting experience I had under my belt taught me to positively communicate, keep the best interest of the children at the forefront, and always be determined. No one ever got where they wanted by giving up. If I had learned anything from being married to Jerry, it was to stand my ground!
After the judge’s verdict gave John temporary custody of the boys, our lives became beautifully chaotic. Both having careers, we had no choice but to hire a nanny. We felt the best option for us would be an in-home nanny. This would give us some comfort and most importantly, maintain structure and stability for the children.
Once we found Kayla, we knew we had hit the jackpot. She blended with our family instantly. The boys adored her, as she did them. She treated them as if they were her own, we never worried about their safety when she had them, and she was equal amounts of fun and fierce. I absolutely fell in love with her.
I knew that in order for all of our children to have consistency in their lives, we needed to keep as much structure as possible. It was also very important to remain on good terms with Loren. She and I were attempting to communicate, as we embarked on the task of creating our own parenting plan and custody schedule.
In no way was I prepared to rock the boat, and as a stepmom – overstepping your boundaries is as easy as eating all the chips and salsa when you are not even hungry! At the same time, I was confident that my opinion and offer would be well received. I just needed Loren to see what an asset Kayla was to our family.
My first attempt at getting everyone on board with “one nanny, two houses” did not seem to be a hit. Understandably, we were all cautious. We had just spent the better part of two years in a bitter custody battle. Trust was not a thing we had for one another. I could see the bigger picture, and I had faith that one day we would get to a better place. I wanted that day to be sooner than later.
It just made more sense for us to have Kayla work for us full time. After all, she had been with us for over a year, she was great with the boys, and we trusted that she always had their best interest in mind.
When Loren agreed that it was a good idea for both homes to have the same nanny, it was so comforting. I knew it would be the first of many steps in the right direction.
Kayla was a Rockstar! She continued to maintain professionalism, organization, and routine in both homes. For the first time in a very long time, everything was going smoothly. We were finally beginning to ‘blend’.
Kayla has been the ultimate blessing to us and our children. Kayla has seen us at our highest and lowest points yet supports us without judgement.
She is not an employee; she is part of our family. I do not think she could ever know just how important she is to us all. I honestly do not know how we would survive without her! I am so grateful that she took a chance on our family and loves us in spite of our chaos.” -April
Our Nanny had no idea what she was getting into when she was hired to help raise our children. Not only was she responsible for the care of our little humans, but she was entering our lives at one of the most hectic times ever.
Surely, she got much more than she bargained for.
Who could have known that the extension of what seemed like a very small olive branch, would end up being the start of something magical?
Today, we share so much more than a nanny - an additional family member and superhero.
